is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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