i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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