Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Alive.
So much puke
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
