Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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