$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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