I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want nice things and good sex
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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