How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
