Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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