I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
