dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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