I need help removing her.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
