3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
