I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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