google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize