Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
