I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
