I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
