no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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