You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
being pregnant is like rehab
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
