haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
