During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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