I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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