I wish you could order shots online.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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