we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The best revenge is premature balding
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
