Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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