drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he puts the penis in happiness.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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