All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
