Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it's like iHOP with fire
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
