I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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