Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
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