Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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