last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
