My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
