Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
