he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
