You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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