I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
