Reggie can tackle my bush.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
