I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
