question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
