dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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