oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
