yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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