Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Say something about gay babies.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
