this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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