i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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