Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
