is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
