Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
