All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
