More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
