As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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