If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
