Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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