ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
