ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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