a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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