saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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