Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
