i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
