woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
