If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Bring me that man meat
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
