i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
