Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
