Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
