Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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