So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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