so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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